So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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