I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is Oprah even human
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
