Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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