Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
