I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
