I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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