I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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