she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i think i just lost a toe
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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