We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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