you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
