The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
3pm strippers are depressing
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
