Already got asked if we're dating
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
