And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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