I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
