He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
