Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
