i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
