you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
