i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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