when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
