It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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