You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
