so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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