I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
