A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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