well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
