I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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