so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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