I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
