Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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