I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
