I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
