I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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