nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
