I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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