You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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