Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
