No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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