I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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