Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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