I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
