Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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