do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
