its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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