Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
