She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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