Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
