hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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