He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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