every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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