Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
