people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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