broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
